How You See Is How You Choose
I pulled out an old black and white photo of myself. I was alone and probably no more than 4 years old. I had this terrified look on my face. My eyes glaring and mouth wide open as if I saw a ghost. What is not very clear, is that I’m in a photobooth in a Woolco back in the early 70’s.
Check out the ghastly fashion!
What stuck with me since then is how much I hate having my picture taken. There are a few things more painful than being seen through a lens, waiting for the click and the following blinding light. However, to this day the idea of having someone taking a photo of me provokes this subtle anxiety within. They might as well be using a microscope to examine my soul.
Like I wrote about last month, we are a collection of stories. Some stories we created on our own from lived experiences and many more we’ve inherited from our families, teachers, employers and society as a whole. What I mean by stories are the collection of beliefs, memories, values, traumas, identities, labels, perspectives and points of view that we assign to the people, places and circumstances in our lives.
Some of our stories inspire creativity, aliveness and joy within us. While other stories keep us stuck in a diminished view of ourselves and the world around us. The stories we tell ourselves also determine what choices we make and the outcomes or possibilities we can expect.
If you look at a diamond, you’ll see a myriad of colors and lights. On closer examination you’ll see that some colors are reflecting light from the space around it, while other colors represent light that’s coming through it. Depending on the quality of the diamond itself, the colors may be tinted, cloudy or crystal clear. There’s not much fun looking at a diamond from one angle. We naturally want to rotate the diamond to see the shifts of colors and lights. The diamond is simply being a diamond, while light does what light does when it interacts with surfaces found within a diamond. However, momentarily the diamond evokes a sense of curiosity and wonder within us as we explore its dimensions.
We often view our lives from only one perspective. We see ourselves as static, fixed, unchangeable. Like a photo. As if that moment, captured on paper some time ago, defines who we are. Then we’ll spend the rest of our lives proving it was true.
Now take a look at yourself and your life as if it was a photo - a snapshot of a time and place. What are the facts that both you and I would see in that photo? Notice the stories, feelings and beliefs that you tell yourself about who’s in the photo. Do these stories support, inspire or move you? Do they bring out curiosity, creativity, resourcefulness or aliveness in you? Or are they mired in fear, anxiety, resentment, or judgment with yourself, others or your circumstances?
Now take a look at yourself as if looking through a diamond. See the array of colors and light that make up who you are in this moment. Now turn it. What do you see now? What stories can you make up about who you are and how you’ve been or what’s possible from here? If you find yourself stuck, rotate the diamond. Take a look at yourself from another perspective.
One way to do this is to challenge your old stories. Ask yourself...
Is this story true?
Is this story indisputably true?
What’s the sensation or feeling or emotion this story holds?
How does holding onto this story serve me?
Turn the diamond
How can the opposite of my story be true?
What’s available to me if the opposite of my story is also true?
What’s the sensation or feeling or emotion this story holds?
How can this opposite story serve me?
Turn the diamond again
Starting from a fresh perspective, what story can I create now?
What’s available to me if this entirely new story is also true?
What’s the sensation or feeling or emotion this story holds?
How can this entirely new story serve me?
What can I be grateful for in my old and new story?
Our stories are merely stories, a sequence of thoughts, beliefs and feelings. We can choose to see them as static like a photo. Or dynamic and ever changing like looking through a diamond. What would serve you best?
I will close with the following quote from one of my favorite musical artists, India.Arie.
I am not the things my family did
I am not the voices in my head
I am not the pieces of the brokenness inside
I'm not the mistakes that I have made
Or any of the things that caused me pain
I am not the pieces of the dream I left behind
I am not the colour of my eyes
I am not the skin on the outside
I am not my age
I am not my race, my soul inside is all light
I am light
India.Arie